Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
