i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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