So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
