I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Dick very happy bro
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
