So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
