Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
only you would photoshop your dick
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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