So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
