I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
