Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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