so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
