u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
