so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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