She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
