This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize