The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
