I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Enjoy the penises
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize