Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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