Nicole vs. Life
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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