I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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