Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
