sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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