do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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