i just sent this text using only my big toe
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
