I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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