You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
