He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
