New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
