She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
