i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
