It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
