If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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