I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
