The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
