I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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