Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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