seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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