Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My ass is underappreciated
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
