Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
