her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
