I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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