i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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