Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
