How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
