sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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