Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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