Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
