maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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