When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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