friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
