Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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