We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
