You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
