forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Randomize
