if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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