I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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