So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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