Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
