here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
