He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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