Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Don't EVER smell your tampon
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you had me at cake vodka
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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