you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
