just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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