apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
