too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize