I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
