There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
