Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
