Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
