i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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