Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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