Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize